Crying is not the solution yet many people LOVES to tear including me.
The scenes still couldn't get off from my mind. Been there reminds me lot of things.
I can feel the pain from HIS emotion which is actually emotionless. So sad. I hope he can recover soon and get out from the 'hell'.
When i was touching you i was so helpless and sorry for not being there with you during your very hard moment. I was extremely sad over this. Tears dropping without any awareness and i couldn't even control it. I had to go downstairs and cried on my own. Yes i'm too weak. It reminds me of my grandma and DOLLY who are both very important VVVVVVVVVIP in my life. I couldn't imagine how bad the illness had tortured them. They were so BRAVE and they never told anyone about the pain. Dolly couldn't speak like human but i'm very sure that her soul still wanted to stay but her body didn't allow her to continue her life. I was so lonely when i recalled so much of the past. I blamed. Yes i did. I am not trying to symphatize you but i really feel bad about it.......

I want to be a very happy girl. I'm not trying to hypnopsis myself but i actually made myself busy delibrately just to avoid the negative thinking which always and all the time haunting me. I wanted to puke but i didn't and i had no appetite to eat at all today. Back to home at 11pm from work and started doing housework. At least it kept the bad thinking behind first. I know its very crazy to do housework midnight but wat to do. It's the only way to keep me alert. Finished cleaning toilet, washing+hanging+keeping clothes, tidying up the room, boiling water, washing empty tupperwares in 2 hours time! I'm trying so hard! Please grand me the strength please. Though i'm home alone but i know i can go through this by myself. I don't want to rely on you too much. I know i can...........................but can i?

The very first day of december, i had been spending my time with the sweeties for 12hours. It was a very random final decision to sing k after few of us complaint getting bored at home. I am so glad i did spend my time with them. We shared lotsa SECRET and hahas it was my idea *wink*. Was really relaxing and i love chilling with the right person. Though i dislike 3 gu 6 po but we were for only today. >p en en

We stayed in Station 1 for almost 5 hours and together we figured out our own problems. We shared and we learnt. I love listening to people as i know i must not repeat the same thing onto myself from him/her experience. Happiness will never last long to me. Guess it happens on whoever think they are bad luck-er especially PESSIMIST and I ADMIT I AM ONE OF THEM so sorry. Heard some bad news and i am so sorry i don't know the truth of it eventhough imma actually the source of it?? Feel so guilty cause imma SUCKER AND FUCKER AND BLOODY HELL DEVIL! Yes, i hurt another ONE today =) good right hahas. BUT...i chose not to be so pessimistic! I don't want to miss my fun today. I don't want to spoil my good mood today though something disappoint me somehow. Im not short listed to work in PC fair WTF. FINE.. i should have known it. sienz but so? wat-so-eva..

Last but not least, i want to be happy everyday for the sake of my loved onesss and also whoever cares me. I must appreciate the days i own, the people around, the moments i can enjoy as long as im breathing still. I make this promise to myself.

So, delicated to you mr t, no matter u read this or not, or the ANONYMOUS will tell you for sure, PLEASE BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. At least for the sake of your mum? or your friends? or ME? I was so guilty at first but i must tell myself that i am so wrong. I am a super duper freaking PESSIMIST but i want to try to be an OPTIMIST as we don't have much time to enjoy our life. We only have one single life not plural. Same to you! Sometimes, we have to let things go to keep ourselves moving forward no matter how hard it is! I know its not easy to do it and i might not understand your situation but please don't torture yourself. It's hurting....With loves from pud

STOP BLAMING
and kick my ass out from the current stage
its wasteful if i am so pessimistic everyday
ENJOY MY LIFE!
=)
no one will care about your feelings anyway so don't keep yourself in the room
explore more babes *wink*