Hang out with a bunch of emo friends last night actually woke me up and i feel like i wanna slap myself gao gao so that i wouldn't be so stupid anymore. Well, love doesn't mean anything. I have no idea why would i believe that this guy is so much different and mature and he is the man i should stay with. Perhaps i am too over into it which leads us both to a hard situation where both of us are so oppressed and indeed killing each other by telling the hard words. I couldn't act that I am fine after every single argument. I just can't get rid of the past out from my mind. Every single seconds of my breath, I am just too worried with our future. Are u really the one who i should rely on and depend on? Well, everything was so FINE IN THE BEGINNING! and soon it turned out to be so awful where the bad things shown up.

Transportation! It might be a very simple word to you, you and you but NOT TO ME! Some people are too blessed with a very good family background who can actually bring you to where ever you hope to go or your parents would just get you a car. I know i shouldn't compare everything with the rest of the human organism in the world or else i am just fooling myself. I am born to be strong and learn from my life right. I know I know. But i just feel that it's so unfair! At first, it went so fine that you actually offered to fetch me here and there but see with ur eyes now!! What have u done and what have u told me? Although u nodded your head and said yes with the response on ur face, i can see through ur eyes how unwilling u do like i am forcing you with a gun on your head. I didn't sleep for the whole night. I am recalling everything, good things and sacrifices that u have done which i appreciate so muchie! Whenever the good things happened, i'd think that wow finally i have met some one who i can really trust on but eff, no one will be perfectly kind to you in a relationship. You wanted me to change my mind to this world and try to trust on u. I did and what's the result? I always tell you that i never want to be begging people for help who would never give me a damn. You are actually doing the same thing in another way though u didn't show it obviously. I am getting mad and mad and MAD whenever i recall what you had told me before this relationship started on. If you fetch me just for the sake of my request, then better DON'T! What i wish is your CARING as in YOU WOULD BE WORRIED me taking public transportation to everywhere especially NIGHT. I didn't ask for more! Just only when i work to late night right? Don't ever ask me not to work to late nite as i really need the money to go aussie! Did i ever ask you to fetch me to sri rampai on tues and wed noon??????????? Did I? NO! just because i know you'd be working. And if it's not an urgent case, I wouldn't want to trouble your sis to wake u up alright. Never the less, I have my mom only though she is not a good mother who i always complain on my blog but what to do, we were meant to live together. So i still heart her like u heart your family. Why should i give face while u DON'T!? I am trying so hard to talk to ur mom and please her wanting her to accept me yet u wouldn't give me a damn for offering her out to have lunch with us but u asked one of our friend and left my mom alone at home at the same time? This is not how you show ur respect to her right? Though u kindly talk to her but dang! This already spoilt everything u have done before! How embarrassing it was! Reason u gave me was so lame which is u made a promise the day before. SO, Can i do the same to your family?????? NO RIGHT? Oh gosh i am SO PISSED! I feel like i am so so so so "FAN JIN"! Someone cool me down please.

Last but not least, I am back to my very origin perspective. Men are liar! Everything would be perfect in the beginning but soon he would not want to give u a damn just like my friend's boyfriend. And i don't want to be in the same case after 5 years. Effing DISAPPOINTED with MEN! WOMEN SHOULD BE INDEPENDENT AND STAND ON THEIR OWN FEET! Don't get a boyfriend in the very first place or else once u step into it, you would hardly leave the game, just like me. I should slap myself!!! INDEED I NEED A MAN WHO IS MATURE THAN ME AND SUPPORTIVE!!

I am so frustrated and sad..

Out of sudden, i have so much to tell.
Out of sudden, i realize that internet means so much to me.
Out of sudden, i find out that i am so in blue in this late night yet i am exhausted.

I have rushed for 2 jobs in a day. Today is the 4th month but it is not a good start for 5th. Temper lost and it scared me and worried me at the same time which proceed to a further and deeper thought after. I am so sensitive so what? Either u hate me or u accept me. Of course I do know that my sensitivity is sometimes a bit over but that proves that i care. Don't ever throw ur temper on me which i don't think that i deserve it. I didn't dare to say this out but i actually had my own difficulties as i need to take care of so much of matters at the same time with the lowest risk. It was a real big challenge to me but obviously i failed in this complicated mission. I couldn't cope things when it comes to plural which involves so many participation. I was forced to face 4 party and at the end, i had to sacrifice my happy moment and what i got at the end was a so 'PLEASE' present. What i wish was so simple, I don't want to trouble any of them. Sometimes people just don't understand we need to sacrifice before we proceed to success. That's how the life runs. Unless u never want to walk to the end of our life together. I was mad because i knew that wouldn't ease the situation and also the tension atmosphere. Somehow i feel happy that at least i can have the chance to enable myself being on both site. To think in different perspective. Why don't i understand it is not ur fault and neither mine. I didn't want it to happen but please don't simply throw ur tantrum on me even if u don't speak it out but i can feel the anger inside u. However, it's very sarcastic if i say this is a very good chance for me to learn how to deal with the pressure from so much of participation within one second. Maybe i need a GOD to be my guide to be with me.

Afterall, I am always confused. You can make me crazily in love with you but also knock on me right after that! I was seriously touched with what it had happened on Sunday and it was such a big sacrifice to u which i sincerely appreciate that. This is what people always say that You make me fly and You throw me down which i feel so oppressed and breathless.

I don't like telling people as they couldn't really understand the situation so i prefer telling myself through blogging.
Thanks my dearie blog.

好久好久的夜晚
一点一滴的雨点
就像影片不停播放

嘀嗒嘀嗒

呼唤心中一些被遗忘的回忆
影片在红气球里不停徘徊
没有观众没有鼓掌声
它依然不停播放

我的嘴轻轻上扬
是微笑还是无奈
人生
就是儿戏